Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
