my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
