All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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