shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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