to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
