Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
