Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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