She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
