she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this just has baby written all over it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
