So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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