This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
