fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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