I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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