Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I smell like Dick and happiness
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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