I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
