Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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