Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
