Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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