I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
