She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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