He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize