Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
