Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
