He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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