We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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