Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
