she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
