I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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