Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
