I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
