I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
