We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
