I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
