yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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