Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
