She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
