You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
