I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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