I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
