No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
