He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
