Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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