I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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