if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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