Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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