I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
