I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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