ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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