i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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