Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
