I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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