tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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