I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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