You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
