I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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