Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
