I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
