Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
