11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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