I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
