it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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