i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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