the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
