I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
